| | My trip to California might have been a bit better sans the brutal sinus infection I developed, but I still got to take a much needed road trip with my sister, see Mickey Mouse (and ride Dumbo the Flying Elephant), eat In-N-Out burgers, see the ocean and hit many, many shops (including Marc Jacobs, in which I nearly fainted. Not literally).
I am almost exactly two months away from getting married. As the big event nears, however, I've been having more and more dreams -- nightmares, really -- that something happens to Nathan. I've dreamt of his death probably six or seven times to date, which makes me realize that it's my new greatest fear. This is something they don't talk about in the marriage books, and it's something for which they offer no solace.
In other life plans, I've reached a different crisis. My post-college mood can best be described in the words of Milan Kundera:
"There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself? That is why life is always like a sketch. No, 'sketch' is not quite the word, because a sketch is an outline of something, the groundwork for a picture, whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch for nothing, an outline with no picture. Einmal ist keinmal, says Tomas to himself. What happens but once, says the German adage, might not as well have happened at all. If we only one life to live, we might as well not have lived at all."
And thus marks my second greatest fear.
(P.S. On a lighter note, Disneyland is a dry park, which officially makes it NOT the 'happiest place on earth') |
| | Posted 5/30/2008 12:39 AM - 19 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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